


A Poem

by LizzlyBear96



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 04:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15677718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzlyBear96/pseuds/LizzlyBear96
Summary: A poem I wrote when I was younger.





	A Poem

**Author's Note:**

> This was a little poem I wrote back in... Oh, we can say... Middle school? Maybe eighth grade? Maybe ninth grade. I was browsing my old deviantART to see if I had posted it and sure enough I did so I wanted to post it here. Even if it's a little angsty and silly because it was about a crush of mine, I can't say I'm not proud of my younger self for being able to express emotions like this. There are things we do as kids that obviously are cringe worthy, and yeah I can understand if this is a bit so, but I dunno... I don't think of myself as cringe worthy (not saying I wasn't though because goodness me) because when I think of my younger self, I feel nothing but saddness and pain and understanding and pity, because I kind of understand why I was how I was (depression and the things that come alongside that, along with the beginnings of an eight year long abusive relationship, coupled with a not so good home life will do that to a young, impressionable girl). Like... I guess... Maybe it's because I still FEEL the emotions. I'm not how I was. I've changed I'm different I'm better I'm older. But... You know, I feel like it was only yesterday. I still FEEL it. How can I not be understanding and sad for my younger self? Honestly... I've changed so much, yet I'm still the same person. Maybe that's why I feel the way I do and why I can't be mad at my younger self... Because maybe deep down, I'm still that child. 
> 
> I believe I wrote this because a crush didn't like me back. And it changed our friendship. More than likely, because I was too shy to say anything and because I had a bad issue of dumping my problems on everyone which definitely strains people, but also because I was silly and had a problem with how to... Forgive and take responsibility for my actions. I took this as a personal attack, as with many other situations in life in terms of crushes and friendships. For me it was hard to regain the status we once had because I felt like I ruined the situation, or maybe because I was angry and sad to be able to approach the problems. But regardless, that was the main reason we broke away was... Myself. 
> 
> Reading this poem makes me realize I had a big problem with being clingy and possibly a little to attached in feelings. I'm not sure... 
> 
> Reading it also makes me realize I shouldn't delve too much into the past (too late) because I really, really get immersed in the emotions I felt (feel?) and I get really sad because I realize just how... Shitty life has been (of course others had it worse but that doesn't mean what I went through wasn't real or painful for me). Is that what we call PTSD? Or trauma? When you can go right back to the moment, and feel its feelings? I don't like it. 
> 
> Man. I feel as though I shouldn't be analyzing behaviors like this. Rationally I know that I knew no better because I was a child and children don't know how to process these complex behaviors and to act like an adult and to fix problems that way. We just don't. Obviously I grew and changed as a person. Why is it that I feel so... Old? I feel like I had to grow in a short amount of time (of course others had to grow faster but still, I did too). I feel like... I'm older. 
> 
> Anyways, I just wanted to post. I understand if no one reads it!

A Phone Call  
  
That is the gesture I use to show how much I can share with you  
  
Even though you think I should talk about things with my other friends  
  
(Even though you will still always help me with what ever is wrong)  
  
                           A Friendly 'Walk-by-Your-Side'  
  
That is the gesture I use to show how much I love to be around you  
  
Even though you think we need to spend some time apart  
  
(Even though you say we don't)  
  
                                 A Conversation  
  
That is the gesture I use to show how much I love to talk to you  
  
Even though you think some of the things we talk about are weird, uncomfortable, and just plain awkward  
  
(Even though you still talk to me)  
  
                                   A Stare  
  
That is the gesture I use to show how much I still need to know about you   
  
How much I want to know about you  
  
Even though you think we already know so much about each other  
  
(Even though you stare right back)  
  
                                    A Poke  
  
That is the gesture I use to show how much I appreciate you  
  
Even though you think a poke is the starting of a playful fight  
  
(Even though you say you win)  
  
                                    A Punch  
  
That is the gesture I use to show how much I love to play with you  
  
Even though you think of it as a silly thing to laugh at  
  
(Even though you still do it back)  
  
                                    A Hug  
  
That is the gesture I use to show how much I love you so  
  
Even though you think of it as nothing  
  
(Even though you still hug me back)  
  
                                    A Smile  
  
That is the gesture I use to describe how I admire you so  
  
Even though you think you may not know it  
  
(Even though you smile right back)  
  
                                A Hunched Back  
  
That is the gesture I use to show how shy I am  
  
Even though you think I should be more self-confident   
  
(Even though you know it is just who I am)  
  
                                    An Ego  
  
That is the thing I use to show how much I can be silly when it comes to talking to you  
  
Even though you think I am serious about it  
  
(Even though you know I will never have nor grow an ego)  
  
                                    A Tear  
  
That is the gesture I use to show how much you have made me cry  
  
Even though you think you don't know why  
  
(Even though you probably do know why)  
  
                            A Clenching of the fists  
  
That is the gesture I use to show how much you make me mad  
  
Even though you think I don't get mad that often  
  
(Even though you say you are sorry when I am)  
  
                                   Knowledge  
  
That is the one thing you may never have when it comes to me  
  
That is the one thing you cannot find out easy like any other 'gesture'  
  
You will never know how much I miss the past  
  
You will never know how much our conversations mean to me  
  
You will never know how much your words mean to me  
  
You will never know how much your words influence me  
  
You will never know how much I admire you so  
  
You will never know how much I adore you so  
  
You will never know how much I love to talk to you  
  
You will never know how much I love to be around you  
  
You will never know how much I appreciate you   
  
You will never know how much I want to stay your friend forever  
  
You may think of me as just some girl  
  
A girl who seems to like you a little to much  
  
Some girl that you may not want to be around  
  
Some girl you may get irritated with  
  
Even though you say you don't get mad  
  
Even though you say you don't mind talking  
  
Even though you say you don't mind how I am  
  
But we have had this conversation before  
  
I just didn't have the time to tell you what I felt  
  
I was just to shy to say anything  
  
And you know this  
  
You know how I am  
  
All the things I am saying  
  
They are the words I was never able to say  
  
                                  The Universe  
  
That is the thing I use to describe to you how big the love is that I feel for you  
  
Even through all of the things you have done  
  
Even through all of the things you have made me think  
  
Even though you think you already know how much I love you  
  
(Even though you don't)


End file.
